What a week!

I must say what a wonderful week I have had. I had my best and dearest friend Kelly here with me from Saturday evening up until Thursday afternoon. Honestly I had forgotten how to have "girl time". We had so much fun! Talking, laughing....really laughing, and just being girls. Of course Savannah was here all week too, making it that much more interesting. Oh, and did I mention that Jonathan was here as well? Yep, he has totally adopted Kelly as his honorary sister. Put all of us together and its just a hoot and a half. However, Jon did have to work so that gave us gals some time to ummm, yep, SHOP! We hit West Towne mall and stayed for almost 5 hours. I declare that was a record for me. We hit all the cool shops, had lunch and giggled lots. The day before that we went to Earth Fare and did some shopping, that is where I was turned on to the finer things in life, like hot tea :) and Jonathan to coffee without gnats, (don't ask) lol. And then on Wednesday, the zoo of course and Savannahs birthday dinner. It was truly a busy, but very lovely week. We sincerely enjoy it when Kelly comes to visit with us, its like we are on vacation when she is here, because we are all having so much fun. Can't wait until you come back thru, and yes..that spare room is all yours dear. We love you and thank you for such great company and awesome friendship!

Things I've learned from my Best Friend...

Things one can learn from their best friend are limitless. Especially if we are talking about the same kind of best friend, mans best friend, your dog. My dog, or really should I say my dogs, have taught me lots of things. They teach us patience, kindness, love...but not just any kind of love, how to laugh, and how to cry out of sheer madness. All of these I'm going to explain, in my words.
Lets start with patience. If you are a dog owner, you know this one is a truth of truth. Learning all the basic obedience, and lets not forget housebreaking. Oh mercy. So, thank you for teaching me how to be patient, and for you also being patient with me. After all, we don't speak the same lauange, I can pee inside but you can't and having to wait on me to get home when I am gone. You have taught me patience.
Kindness. This is a simple word that many people don't understand how to use. You have taught me to be kind, and in return I'm trying to teach you the meaning as well. Be nice, don't bite me. Don't bark at that strange dog, they could be having a bad day and you aren't aware of it. Be gentle not only in your actions, but also in your bark. Thank you for teaching me patience.
Love. Such a strong word isn't it? Love, you've taught me how to love, not just any love like I said earlier. You have an unconditional love for me. One that without fail is there for me every waking moment of the day. This is a kind of love that most people don't ever have or know of. But you have taught me how to love like you do, Love with my whole heart, not just parts of it, and to love strongly and passionately. This is true of loving me, or loving your favorite toy. I too love you, and my stuffed Teddy bear. Thank you for teaching me true unconditional love.
I love my dogs, they teach me so much more than to be a good owner. I am not an owner, I am owned by my dogs. And those of you who know me know that my dogs are also my babies. I love them as if they were my "other children". I love my little four legged fur children, and they love me.
I've learned that no matter what it is that is outside, and I hear a bark, I should be concerned.
I've learned that it doesn't matter if it squeaks or not, if its in the floor within reach, consider it fair game. The first one who gets it, well its all yours. I've also learned that when you have a paper towel and it's not all the way in the trash that it can be shredded into a gazillion pieces. And a roll of toilet paper, well, it can be taken off the holder in like 2seconds flat. And yes, that too can be shredded in more than a gazillion pieces. I've learned that when my dogs are excited, that well they can jump higher than a kid on a pogo stick and try to knock you down in the process with tons of kisses as a follow up. I've learned that anything that contains stuffing can be destroyed in no time, and its a waste of money. Instead, my dogs get plastic soda bottles that are empty. Cheap and recycled. I've learned that when someone rings my doorbell, the person on the other end better really be prepared to come into my house. It's a chore just to get over the threshold, so if your really wanting to come visit, I will know your sincere. I've learned that ice cubes are fun to give the dogs, until they melt because they loose them, yuck. Car rides are never the same with my dogs, its always a full on event, just like going to the red carpet. And nothing can get your two legged child to go to there room quicker than when you seek the dog on them! I've also learned that there is no sleeping in on Saturdays or Sundays because the dogs want to get up and play! They are built in alarm clocks Monday thru Friday, promptly at 6:30 am. I've learned that no one will cross me, if I'm out with my dogs, they can prompt fear of laughter in strangers. I've learned that things are never boring at the Smith house with the Dogs...
I would love to say thank you to my dogs, Charlie, the mini schnauzer, Cosby, the mini schnauzer, and Endora the Airedale (my service girl in training)

I thought I opted out?

Well, most of you who know me well, know that I had a Hysterectomy back at the end of April. This was a blessing and a curse all wrapped into one. On the up side, no more monthly blahhhh... and no more planning around "that time". Swimming, yep, now when ever I felt like it. The down side, no more babies... yeah, and I wasn't finished. But God had other plans, He said yes Felicia, you are done. Now back to that whole upside thing. I think I got screwed on it. I've thought I would have no more issues, at least hopefully for a year or more..... So I thought. These last couple of weeks I've been feeling like shit again. Mood, etc, and did I mention MOOD?? I went today back to the doctor had some tests and junk done. I have yet another cyst. Which I will know more about tomorrow. (yes, I kept my ovaries) But here's the kicker. Now they think I have a disorder.... ha ha ha.... really, no freaking kidding! Called PMDD. If your not sure what it is, look it up. It boils down to really bad pms with a fancy name that in general says its WAY MORE than the average housewives monthly issues.
Now, as for where I stand on this, I totally see it. I can't even live with myself. I really feel like Veta did in the movie "My Girl". You know, when Thomas Jay comes to the front door after she gets her period and and she gives him one hell of a shove down the steps and says to him " I don't want to see you, and don't come back for 5 to 7 days" and the she promptly slams the door and goes back in her house. Yes, that's me. I would gladly push you off my front porch right now. Yes, I know, it is a long way down but that will only be minor to the way I'm feeling right now. Get to close, I may just yell at you, and well.... let me be honest here, I am going to enjoy it. I don't know why, or what to say but PMDD made me do it. I want to know if this will be a good excuse to use in court if you keep crossing me? Just saying.
My point is, that I thought that when I had my hysterectomy I had opted out of dealing with monthly issues. Guess that's what I get for thinking. I kinda feel damned if I do, damned if i don't. On the bright side, only a few more days left until I can get all worked up again for next month. HAHAHA...NOT! This just sucks and I don't wanna play this game anymore. I will know more tomorrow, in regards to medicine and all that good stuff. Not to sure if I want to put this one on my resume or not, but looks like that was the card I was dealt, so time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Random Thoughts

I have some random thoughts today. As if that should be any big surprise to anyone who knows me. I'm curious why it is that no matter what one does, there is always a reaction. Now that reaction can be a positive one, or a not so positive one. My thought is, "who really gets to decided if its good or not"? I mean, aren't we all just kinda out there taking care of ourselves? It seems like no one ever cares unless they wanna stick there noses into it. I'm not sure why this thought is on my mind, but it is. I think that I'm very random sometimes, mostly because if I don't speak whats on my mind, when its on my mind I simply forget what I'm going to say. Totally sucks. I hate the randomness that comes to my head. It feels more like a burden to others than me. I constantly find myself interrupting what others are saying, simply in order to have something productive to say. I have found lately that I do much better typing, emailing or texting than I do talking on the phone. All because of my whole speech issue thing. To many times, I just don't answer the phone because I know the other person on the other end just isn't going to get what I'm saying. So in order to save face, and not look a fool I find it easier to just not answer. See, all so random.

Yeah for Saturdays!

Hooray, for today is Saturday! This means Jon is home for two whole days, we are able to have family time. Right now, we just finished breakfast. I made GF pancakes, some plain some with chocolate chips for Savannah of course. We are watching Dr. Do Little and being totally lazy. Well, I'm multi-tasking watching t.v. and blogging. I'm pretty sure we may go out after while. Jon said if I wanted a hair cut he would take me out today to get one. I'm toying with the fact of letting it grow out or just cutting it off again. I hate being in the middle stages of the growing it out stage. It looks like crap, wont do anything. I usually go get it cut on a whim and just deal with it. I'm going to dye it today too. I may just look like Sharron Osborn!
You are probably wondering why I'm so gung ho this morning. Well let me just say one word PREDINSONE! I'm not supposed to take it, but the Doc said that I need too because my sed rate level is pretty high. Well the steroids are defiantly kicking in. I'm feeling feisty for sure. I really need to be doing more with this new found energy but I don't want to jinks it. I am so wound up that I'm a bit shaky even and this is only dose 2. Anyhow, I'm just rambling today because my mind is in 1,000 places. On that note I think I am going to end my blogging session so I can go do some laundry.

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired.

My title says it all. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Really, I am. I feel like I've been through the medical hamster wheel of life. Running around in circles, always ending up in the same damn place. Yep, right where I started. Kinda makes one feel sorry for hamsters when you put it in perspective. I also feel like the lab rat who was lucky enough to avoid the wheel, but unfortunate enough to meet up with the rat poison. I know, just a ray of sunshine today aren't I? Sorry to disappoint. Most of you know me as the one who keeps on a smile, and a happy face despite it all. But sometimes, my get up and go and smile, just up and leaves without me. Sucks, but that's how it goes. I had a doctor of mine tell me once "Felicia, you are the happiest, sickest person I've ever known" Well thanks doc, think you can make me super happy and make me happy and not sick. I mean, that after all is what I'm aiming for. These last few weeks have been utter hell. I've not known if I'm coming or going. My brain cant seem to function, my balance is majorly off, my eyes are severely messed up, my speech has been coming and going. I just really want a normal day. Hell, what's normal? I'm not sure at this point I've ever experienced it. As I'm doing my blog right now, I'm doing so from the comforts of my bed. This after all is where I've been most of today minus the couch that is. I really prefer my bed. It has it all, the blankets, the pillows, the dog, the t.v. the radio, the bathroom is in the bedroom even. I laugh at my friends who say "I wish I could sleep till 10:30 everyday". Well, I really wish I could get up at 5:30am and go to work like I used to do. The grass isn't greener. Sorry. I would love to be in the public again, and not get stares of people thinking I've been hitting the bottle when I can't stand up straight and I can't talk like a normal person. Oh....to be able to have those days back. But, if it weren't for all that I've had to go through, I wouldn't be me. I probably would be one of those people who didn't think anything about tomorrow coming, or be as grateful for the life that I have. I am waiting patiently for my new neurologist apt next month. I honestly hope that this man has the answers that I've been seeking. I cant take many more days of "sick" I want to live my life, and to a point I do. But its nowhere as to where I want it to be. I long to be the mom and wife who can go out and stay at the park, shop, play, go on vacation and really be able to enjoy it, not give out and have to rest. So, here's to the good life, chin up and legs still moving forward to the next day. (slowly moving that is)! Oh, and the pic is of me at the Mayo Clinic...hense the hamster.

Getting a fresh start.

Ok, so I'm getting slack from my Blogging Buddies about the fact that my blog just out right stopped. Heaven help, I need not let my peeps down! So I'm back, for today anyways.
I never know where my day will lead me. Today for example I got sucked into my blog while the house was nice and quiet and just when I get going Savannah wakes up. My head is in a constant rush lately. I really wish I had an off switch, time to unwind and not think. Thinking, that is my problem. I constantly ponder, wonder and think of things to do, things that need fixing. Anything from the house needing to be cleaned, the dog needing to go out, what bills need to be paid, friendships need to be worked on and family issues that seem will never resolve. Well, if that isn't an opener I don't know what is.
I will skip the yada, yada stuff. Lately, I've had "friendships" on my mind. What they mean, what holds them together, what makes them part ways, and what makes them flourish. I currently have a mixture of both types of friendships. They type that is fading slowly, and the one that is flourishing, and the ones that steadily are just the same. It stresses me. SERIOUSLY STRESSES ME. I have issues trying to just let things be. I really have a hard time understanding why when things are so good for such a long time that they are stirred up by something, like an elephant in the room and it just never never never goes away. It eats at me. The way my feelings were hurt, and the things that seem to get pushed under the rug. I like to talk about it, get pissed about it, and move on...with or without that person in my life. I would rather keep my friendships, not let them go by the way side. But I honestly can't seem to get past some issues lately that eat at me.
And on the other hand, I have one friendship that just sings to every tune I sing. And for this, I am so grateful. This friendship is not one of those that is a "fun time" friendship, a "party" friendship, or a "Debbie downer" friendship. Its just right. I wonder how my other friendship went from that same thing to going down hill...oh wait, I got married, and ummmm, let me think. No, that's the best I've got. Its just frustrating to me, I cant even have a conversation with this person anymore about all of this, but I find it OK to blog about it. Well, its only because I know the said person doesn't even read my blogs. That's why. See, this is what I mean. Your best friends know who you are, what you are and all aspects about you. Granted, My BEST FRIEND, is by far always going to be my husband. He was my friend before he married me. He knows me better than anybody. But as a woman, I need a female best friend, one who I can bitch about my husband to when he royally pisses in my Cheerios. And I'm glad I have that friendship too. You know who you are, because lets face it....no one else reads my crappy blog!
Now that I've just carried on, I'm going to jump ship on my soap box and call it. Game over.